I had a dream that I got abducted by the Mothman Prophecies creatures/aliens/psychokinetic iterations/what the fuck ever, who proceeded to tell me that I was the only human being that really understood human beings, and then I allowed them to eat my brain on the grounds that they'd nuke Earth.

I had this dream two days ago and I just got the flashback.

What the fuckety fuckbuckets?

I don't understand. Millions of weird weeaboos and sexual deviants and like, fucking Harry Potter-on-unnamed mermaid/nymph/faerie porn lovers get along just fine on the internet. How can I possibly be just as internet sociophobic as I suck at human relations in OMG RL? Furthermore I used to get along just fine. 4chan has seen me naked but I'm afraid to talk to the Watchmen fandom-
... Oh.
... FALSE ALARM GUYS TURNS OUT I'M JUST ONLY COMFORTABLE UNDER A VEIL OF ANONYMITY.
Also my blanket kidnapped my nose bone. Srsly I still can't find it. I have to wait until my mom wakes up and I can turn on the light. ;-;

I installed ubuntu and it's a pretty cool guy.
I also now have a browser for it that's got the same name as my middle name. Midori. ISN'T THAT JUST SO WONDERFULLY GAY?
Give it a week and I'll be raging about how annoying it is. Such is the way of operating systems. But so far it's a lot like if I had magically found a Mac that didn't annoy the piss out of me.
... What the fuck is with Macs, anyway? Why do you have to have "dirt cheap and barely functional" and "HOLY FUCK THIS IS SO EXPENSIVE GOD COULDN'T BUY THIS"?
Also why is my screen resolution some weird default that no one uses and no one makes wallpapers for? And why does it have to look like shit if I change it?
... I'm going to stop arbitrarily whining now and show you my desktop which is made of default background.

OH GOOOOOOOOOODDDDD.
Today I took on what became the mammoth task of trying to install Ubuntu on my computer.
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don't look at the RAM when buying a computer.
GUESS WHAT KIND OF PERSON MY MOM IS GUYS.
502MB. Which would've never come up if Thom hadn't asked.
SHE HAS 8GB OF SCHOLASTIC DUMBFUCKERY ON THE DESKTOP.
JESUS.

I am going to KILL MYSELF.

Also I started my period and after a month of being a shameless loadrag I know for sure one of us isn't working.

Guise I'm a horrible girlfriend.
Honestly.
I set out my very rational cool-girlfriend mission statement right when something might happen and then something does happen and then a month into the relationship I'm all like FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- DEAL'S OFF and then I BAWWW BECAUSE YOU HAVE FRIENDS THAT AREN'T ME AND I BAWWW IF YOU BUY ME THINGS AND THEN I BAWWW IF YOU DON'T AND SOMETIMES I BAWWW JUST BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKING YOU FEEL HORRIBLE BY BEING COMPLETELY RATIONAL WHILE YOU HURT AND ALL THIS IS HAPPENING WHILE I TELL YOU THAT EMOTIONS AREN'T RATIONAL. And PHONES ARE THROWN and BITCHES ARE FLIPPED and then once it's over I still expect to be able to be friends with you WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, then proceed to make you feel FUCKING AWFUL because I CRY OVER YOU EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR(trufax broseph) regardless of WHO DID THE BREAKING UP and regardless of whether or not I STILL FEEL ANYTHING FOR YOU. Or if I ever felt anything for you in the first place but neither you nor I ever actually knew all because I'm lonely and desperate and I need routine in my life but I also need variation and constant affection or JESUS CHRIST I MIGHT DIE RIGHT THE FUCK HERE.
RIGHT.
THE FUCK.
HERE.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRP.

... William and I haven't broken up. We're roughly the same kind of insane and I guess his variation makes him too fucking stupid to notice that I'm the relationship monster castrating-bitch that Freud warned everyone about.
Also FREUD SHUT UP. SHUT UPPPPPPPPP. IF YOU WARN THEM AND THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN NOBODY WILL EVER PUT UP WITH A GODDAMNED WOMAN AND THE SPECIES WILL DIE OUT. WOMEN ARE FUCKING NUTS.

OH MY GOD MY ICONS ARE ALL SO FUCKING SERIOUS I'M GOING TO GO JACK SOME WATCHMEN PCHAT ICONS TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE OTHER INTERESTS.

I've never participated in a seance, and I wouldn't consider it. I believe we can get messages from the dead, but I really, really don't think they want to be bothered, and I respect that.

Did you know that most energy drinks send me plummeting into a state very much akin to hypoglycemic shock? It's very uncomfortable and yet I still insist on drinking them.

Maybe Holden Caulfield. The date would inevitably end in my punching his lights out for being a dumbass.
Or maybe Jesus! He was the protagonist in The Bible and he seemed like a pretty cool guy, though his dad probably wouldn't approve of me.

I had a dream.
It starts with me sitting on the edge of the bed watching the news. There's a string of robberies committed by roller derby girls. I get really anxious. I go to the art supply store.
I find Lindsey there. I get insanely excited and tell her things like I'll never lose her again. She isn't as excited, doesn't even seem to care. She starts telling me about her numerous boy and girlfriends, some of them the roller girls. I am upset and I can't place why. She convinces me to go home with her. I pick up a brush and I meet her outside.
When I get out there, Thom leaps out of a different car that just pulled in and runs over to me. We hug and he whispers something to me that I can't hear. I cling to his arm and he leads me to the large white van that Lindsey and her weird roller girl harem. One skates circles around the van until we get in and takes the passenger seat next to Lindsey. Lindsey doesn't talk but I can see her smiling every time the girl says something in the rear view mirror.
I won't let go of Thom's arm, this entire experience troubles me and I don't know why.
We end up at William's house which plays the part of Lindsey's dad's house, junk everywhere and all. I figure out it is a dream solely because Bob Hardison is not a messy person. I start running, pulling Thom to what, in real life, is William's room.
I kiss him. I push him down on the bed that isn't there in real life and press against him. He tells me that I'm beautiful, and then that I'm crazy. I laugh and pull out his dick. I manage to get the head inside me before something happens.
Two of the roller derby girls come in. I'm not frustrated because I know it's a dream and things happen. They tell me my mom's here. I don't bother putting on my pants because this is a dream and, God damn it, if they disappeared when they were supposed to they sure as hell should come back when they're supposed to. Thom looks at me sadly, I kiss him and tell him I'll be back.
I run outside.
My mom tells me we need to wash the car. It's our old car, which was a primer-red Toyota Tercel. I get in the back and as quickly as that, I am outside squeegeeing the windows. My mom prattles on and on about something. We start to head back, but she parks at our old apartment, which in the dream is walking distance from where we were.
The following is a series of recurring settings from previous dreams: We start at an airport with a huge clock tower, entering through one side and exiting the other. We walk through an alley, celebrity faces pinned to the large trees and the magazines they came from scattered everywhere. Nobody seems to ever clean it. At the end of the alley on the left side there's a yard, an irritable orange cat, a fluffy puppy and a small white kitten roam about inside the fence.
The sky gets darker and we get to an area with lots of stairs, awnings, and ladders. I remember this one most vividly from a previous dream and it is not in-tact anymore, most of the ladders broken. My mom tells me to climb them though most lack any more than one rung. I tell her I can't. She leads me around looking for a working ladder for a while and I get frustrated and go a way that makes sense to me. I lose sight of her and I am able to find a way to the next area.
The next area is new and weird. It's a bar but there's blood every where. I vomit and cry, I am lamenting the loss of someone, but I don't know who. All I know is that someone from the dream who I loved very much is dead. A girl who doesn't exist in real life pulls me to my feet and tells me I need to go.
I make it back to the house and everyone's gone. I lay on the bed and hug Mantyke, who is there for some reason, to my chest. I realize that I'm alone.
I woke up so horrified and depressed. I don't want to go out today.

My internet is / Like an Asian on the road / It's too fucking slow

... And it's turn signal has been on for the past hour and a half.